Very FIRST Short Film ( Critique me! )

[Jason beaumont]

I'm new to the RED Scarlet, and film making as a whole. Myself and two friends shot this short in about 4 hours all the actors are friends or neighbor. It was my first time writing, shooting, editing, coloring, a short. I'm going with the practice makes perfect approach. I already identified 100 things I could do better the next time around, but im also interested in the feedback from you pro's. I think my biggest issue was noisy sound outside. We used a boom mic for the entire shoot, and even with the windsock the ambient noise was loud.

What do you notice could use the most improvement. Constructive critism welcomed.
Thanks in advance.
Shot on RED Scarlet
Canon 24-70 L
50 1.2 L
Canon 35mm 1.4 L
Also 1 scene on the Sony A7s
Phantom 3 Professional


<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0ppwN4F1c8" target="_blank">

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0ppwN4F1c8

 

[Jason beaumont]

bump

 

[David Baumber]

This is a great effort for your FIRST film - really well done. Now I'm not much of a critique being someone who hasn't completed his own FIRST short so...

You got out there and you shot it! Now you can be proud of that because not everyone does!

My only negative (and it's not a big one) was the framing using the gimbal / steadicam (whichever one was used) sometimes corrected itself when it started to drift a little. It made me notice the camera moves too much. Also I felt the framing could have been tighter to draw you in. Shallower depth of field might also have helped for a more cinematic feel. All this is easily corrected.

Good work.

 

[Jason beaumont]

Thank you for the feed back! I also had someone DM really helpful feedback as well. Please critique me, I don't mind it at all! just want to get better

 

[Brody_B]

Awesome stuff man. Congrats on your first Short.

 

[M.Halsell]

Is a comedy or drama? Too much cliche use relative to the character development. The story and characters felt underdeveloped. For comparative reasons, we could grab off the shelf Friday, Boyz to Men or similar works. Success of those titles shared the same coming of age plot points. Each film manages to navigate the character and social complexities in it own brand of drama or comedy.

Your story demands more writing polish to get your character better positioned. The technical improvements withstanding, the story doesn't have enough buoyancy. Practice makes perfect. Balls on the table.

 

[Karim D. Ghantous]

Okay, well, it made me chuckle at the end so mission accomplished!

The opening aerial shot was awkward - it just made me conscious that a robot was controlling the camera. That left-right pan killed the shot. And the horizon wasn't straight. The opening song was sub-par, but the one at the convenience store wasn't bad. The shot at around 2:00 was a bit unbalanced. Camera work is tricky, even for simple shots. In hindsight, you should have framed for 3K and shot 4K, so you could have room to reframe. This isn't necessary for more 'serious' work (for lack of a better term) but it is probably a good type of insurance to have for productions where you can't afford to go back and reshoot.

The grade is nice enough and not pretentious (a lot of films would be better served looking good rather than having a look, if you know what I mean). Camera work wasn't too bad. I think you need to fix the headroom issue: you can crop the top of a person's head, but you can't have it touch the top of the frame. The mix between bright and overcast shots was too obvious (the cut between 2:40 and 2:41)

Anyone can do aerials these days, and it's becoming a disease. One shot is enough. Either that or shoot something really interesting. Most aerial shots these days look the same and it's tired already. The second aerial shot, near the convenience store, was in fact interesting. I like how the sidewalk just ended abruptly.

Dialogue wasn't bad. Julie said "Sean" too much. Performances were good, but could have easily been improved a little bit with a few simple instructions to actors (e.g. don't move your hand too much while talking). Edit: that is a common problem among even professional actors, never mind beginners.

So I think you did really well. I never realized most of my short films, and the ones I did realize I never finished, so at worst you're one level over mine.

Edit: Oh, about the ambient noise at about 1:10. I think that's a natural artefact of living in a partial echo chamber in a busy city. I have no idea how experienced crews would handle it, but you either filter it or put sound-deadening material on the ceiling and behind couches etc. I wouldn't eliminate it completely, as it's rather calming and adds authenticity.

BTW that little girl is rather cute and she's a pretty good performer, too. ;-)

 

[M.Halsell]

......BTW that little girl is rather cute and she's a pretty good performer, too. ;-)

Karim, I enjoyed your direction, quite substantial. And yes I agree, the cadence from the female performers, particularly the young girl was quite convincing.

 

[Matt Bai]

Awesome. Definitely check out the film "Tangerine."

 

[Alberto Guglielmi]

I have a question, how did you manage to license those songs? I'd love to be able to use some of tupak or other tracks. PS if unlicensed, you should be careful for youtube robots to come and snitch on you.

 

[M.Halsell]

I have a question, how did you manage to license those songs? I'd love to be able to use some of tupak or other tracks. PS if unlicensed, you should be careful for youtube robots to come and snitch on you.

Part of the learning process. Assume generally that commercial music is generally off limits for use. Not having rights clearance is a absolute no no. Royalty free or music under the Creative Commons license is a safer path to add music to your videos. Specific to YouTube, 3 content strikes will put your account in bad standing. Generally speaking, professional and ethical courtesy will steer you away from trouble. Who wants there hard work hijacked?

Its a learning process. If you don't know -- you don't know. If you do know, then the trouble is self inflicted.

To the producer/ers of the show, I'm sure there are quite a few upstart artists or sound designers that would appreciate the shade thrown their way or have participation at a useful level.

 

[Jason beaumont]

Thanks for your feedback everyone. I have my next outline finished. Im turning it into a script as we speak and im really excited to shoot it and get feedback!

 

[Aaron michaels]

I think people asking about songs you used and need to pay for permissions is over rated. first we don't have a name so the only thing they can say is don't use it but most of the time they won't bother unless you get major hit at the box office. Then they may say something but i say to hell with them use the music for your underground films etc because if you pay them for a so called lease what are you going to do? re-edit your film because the lease on the music has expired? Not me...If I paid for your cd and I want to use your music, that's what i'm going to do. All of this copyright everything and cover up names is over rated and for industry films with major cash flow that can afford to pay. I know if it was you music how would you feel right? Well if I made my money I don't care because people will you it anyway, when you pressure people it leads to bootlegs.

 

[Jason beaumont]

Well "California" is a hit from the 90's by Dr. Dre. he is worth 800 million so i dont think he is going to care about me breathing some new life into his record and the song in the middle is actually me. I'm a recording artist, or was for a while. Its how i initially got into film. I couldnt afford for anyone to shoot my videos so i bought a camera and starting shooting my own. Few tours and hundreds of thousands made and spent, here i am diving into a brand new industry ive always loved.

 

[sam haboush]

So some of the shots were really interesting and aesthetically pleasing over all. The writing made sense but in some spots it felt like it had no flow. The comments have already discussed copyrighted music so of course that is a big no no. I would say where you could improve is the audio quality was sub par and inconsistent. Some of the acting seemed really good and genuine and at other times, it may of helped you to do some more takes.
You had too much music and at places it felt more like a music video than a short film. I did love your intro ( I'm guessing phantom drone shot.) I would of changed the font to something more cinematic and slightly space the letters rather than more bubble. the shot would of looked so much better if you kept the camera one one course while the intro credits. I would of not taken as many handheld shots, seemed more unstable. Mono-pod, tripod and sliders and as someone stated earlier depth of field adds a lot to a scene. That all said.. REALLY IMPRESSIVE FOR YOUR FIRST SHORT.