Typos that drive me nuts

[Graham_C]

..and i love it when people write things like this,i`m not sure why but it tickles me.

"i got a bite off of an otter"

 

[Lucas Wilson]

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling

His semi-colon page is also good stuff.

Lucas

 

[DCC Erickson]

Then there's the bizarre "He had had better chow mein elsewhere." Had had? I don't think it's incorrect, just ... so ... wrong.

 

[Scott Crawley]

I don't know why their's so much hatin' on creative language. I thought this was a creative community.

Since we're hating:

Willie and Frankie

Frankie ... Christopher Guest
Willie ... Billy Crystal



[Hallway in an office building at night. Uniformed security guards Willie and Frankie -- two working class nebbishes with thick New York accents -- carry flashlights and walk down the hall testing the knobs on the locked office doors.]

Frankie: Hey, Willie.

Willie: Hi, Frankie.

Frankie: How's the west wing?

Willie: All secure.

Frankie: That's good.

Willie: You know somethin', Frank?

Frankie: What?

Willie: I - I - I don't like bein' a night watchman. There - there's nobody here.

Frankie: It means we're doin' our job, Willie. And doin' it well.

Willie: Yeah, but I - I - I - I - I liked it better when we - when we was messengers, I mean, and then I - I was out - I was meetin' people.

Frankie: Like that woman over at Scheidelman's Suits, right?

Willie: [reluctantly] I dropped her. Yeah, she was all over me. All over me, she was. I - I - I need room to breathe.

Frankie: I know, Willie. The stallion needs to run. [Willie nods solemnly in agreement] And run free.

Willie: [rubs his shoulder in pain] Shoo, boy.

Frankie: What's the matter?

Willie: Eh, my shoulder hurts. You know - you know that narrow hallway in the boiler room? The one with the, uh--?

Frankie: Exposed bolts comin' out o' the wall?

Willie: Yeah. Well, every time I walk past it, the bolts dig right into my shoulder. I-- It's very painful.

Frankie: Boy. You wanna talk about some pain? I bought one o' them linoleum knives the other day, you know?

Willie: With the double edge?

Frankie: Right.

Willie: Yeah?

Frankie: So, I go home, you know, and I spread my toes apart and I just start sawing, back and forth and back and forth, you know?

Willie: Mm hmm.

Frankie: And I take a little thing o' Tobasco sauce, you know?

Willie: Yeah.

Frankie: And just dump it on there. Talk about a hotfoot, mister! Boy, that was rough.

Willie: Yeah, I know what you mean. You know, the other day, I took one o' them, uh--?

Frankie: Meat thermometers?

Willie: Yeah! And I just shoved it into my ear, you know? As far as it could go, you know? But then I took one o' them, uh--?

Frankie: Ball-peen hammers?

Willie: Right. And just whacked it a few times right in there, you know.

Frankie: Boy, that must smart.

Willie: I know! I HATE when THAT happens.

Frankie: You know what I hate?

Willie: What?

Frankie: I go into the kitchen, I open the drawer, you know?

Willie: Uh huh?

Frankie: And I take out a, uh--

Willie: Carrot scraper?

Frankie: Right. And I stick it up my nose, you know, and I'm rootin' it around, and, you know, gettin' all the mucus membranes out o' there, you know? And then I take one o' them, uh--?

Willie: Mentholated eucalyptus cough drops?

Frankie: Right. And I stick it-- wedge it up there, you know? I take a couple o' whiffs, boy. Heh, ya feel like your head's gonna explode.

Willie: Boy, isn't THAT the truth? It's like the other night. I'm in the attic and I got a bunch o' mousetraps, ya know?

Frankie: Right.

Willie: And, for bait, I used a big piece of, uh--

Frankie: Camembert?

Willie: Right. So, so I set the trap, right? A-a-a-a-and I wanna see if the trap was gonna work, right? So I got the Camembert in there.

Frankie: Right.

Willie: But every time I went to taste the cheese, the thing came down right on my tongue! ... I'm tellin' ya -- after forty, fifty times, I - I - I couldn't even feel the cheese, much less taste it. I hate when THAT happens, I'll tell ya that.

Frankie: Boy, you know what I hate? I hate-- I got a gross o' them, uh--?

Willie: Razor blades?

Frankie: No.

Willie: Fish hooks?

Frankie: No.

Willie: Ah?

Frankie: Thumb tacks.

Willie: Ah! Yeah.

Frankie: Right?

Willie: Yeah.

Frankie: So I bring 'em home, you know, and I sprinkle 'em all out over the floor, you know?

Willie: Points up?

Frankie: Right.

Willie: Uh huh.

Frankie: Then I strip down to the nude and I just ROLL back and forth across the room, ya know? Stickin' in all over my body. Then I jump in a hot tub and just soak.

Willie: Mm hmm.

Frankie: Hate that.

Willie: Sounds very painful.

Frankie: Very painful.

Willie: [heavy sigh] Boy. So what're ya gonna do now?

Frankie: Eh, I'm gonna check fifteen.

Willie: Yeah. I'm gonna check nine.

Frankie: Okay.

[They head back up the hall, testing doorknobs as they go. Finally, they pause to give each other a friendly pat on the shoulder.]

Frankie: Good night, Willie!

[Grinning, they exchange dismissive waves and exit in opposite directions around the corners at the far end of the hallway. Fade out.]


Submitted Anonymously



SNL Transcripts

 

[Zach Zoller]

I dont got what you guys is talking about. Maybe if you spell it out for me than it will be more clearer. If you could do that for me, you have nothing to loose.

But Whatev, I dont use the internets lot.

 

[Zach Zoller]

Pirate walks into a bar, he has the ships wheel attached to his crotch. The bar tender asks, why do you have the wheel attached to your crotch. Pirate replies, "Aaargh! It's drivin me nuts!"

(Because of the thread title.)

 

[ericyoung]

I can't stand it when people use the word "mute" when it should be "moot"!!

http://grammar.about.com/od/alightersideofwriting/a/mootmutegloss.htm

 

[Elsie N]

I am never sure when someone uses the term "defiantly" if that's what they really mean instead of "definitely."

 

[Johnny Friday]

you forget rules of EBONICS:

....I is
....He is
....We be

Them's ok

 

[Michael Hastings]

I find that Ketch's posts are clear, in spite of the fact that his English is not the best. He's easy to understand because his expression is straight, succinct...
Sanjin, on the other hand...

...and people whose first language is not English are forgiven in my book.

I agree, it is usually a phonetic translation like this: (breathe) "as I can still bread amongst the leaving" ... in the next quote.

Sometimes it takes a quick reread to get it.

Do NOT read anything written by Ketch!

Well in my defense..

I Read write and speak "5" languages on a daily basis, I have been Resuscitated by use of High Voltage Defillibration, "4" times and my Brain, seems to not want to process few words in the right form and or syntax, which drives me nuts, but I don't complain much as I can still bread amongst the leaving and this little things mean very little to me, thanks for your support and understanding and my Apologies for the errors and or misplacement of proper wording.

No defense needed Ketch, your English is way, way better than my Italian (or any other language!) I wish I could communicate even a little bit in another language. I got A's in three quarters of spanish in college. Two years later in Cozumel, Mexico I was lucky to be able to ask for the bathroom. After a week I could ask for the the check ("la cuenta" I think) and more coffee (mas cafe?).

Remember, I was just trying to save Ruairi from going into an internet cop rage :

... but only one that makes me want to burst your eyeballs like grapes and stamp on your head till it's concave. This is, of course, when people say "loose" when they meant to say "lose".

Ruairi Robinson,
Internet cop.

Do NOT read anything written by Ketch!

 

[Ketch Rossi]

I agree, it is usually a phonetic translation like this: (breathe) "as I can still bread amongst the leaving" ... in the next quote.

Sometimes it takes a quick reread to get it.


No defense needed Ketch, your English is way, way better than my Italian (or any other language!) I wish I could communicate even a little bit in another language. I got A's in three quarters of spanish in college. Two years later in Cozumel, Mexico I was lucky to be able to ask for the bathroom. After a week I could ask for the the check ("la cuenta" I think) and more coffee (mas cafe?).

Remember, I was just trying to save Ruairi from going into an internet cop rage :

Ha ha LOL, posting about correction and here I get cut right on an other mistake, an I knew that one too, as an Italian I don not ever eat with out "BREAD" he he.