The Single Greatest MONOLOGUE Ever

[Keith Alan Morris]

I always refer to my favorite Reduser posts every now and then for inspiration and one post in the magnificent "Single Greatest Shot Ever thread" caught my attention--the single greatest monologue. Credit to Leaf Bainbridge for picking this, from Caddyshack:

"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy; a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald — striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one — big hitter, the Lama — long, into a 10,000 foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... Gunga, gunga galunga. So we finish the 18th and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" And he says, 'Oh, there won't be any money. But when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

What's yours?

ps - If you're a list freak like me, this is a spinoff of my thread the "Single Greatest 1 Location Movie".

 

[Tim Hole]

Well there are so many...

Network is an obvious one...in fact it probably is the single greatest monologue in motion picture history.

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things
are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing
their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth. Banks are going bust.
Shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the
street and there's no one anywhere that seems to know what to do with us.
Now into it. We know the air is unfit to breathe, our food is unfit to
eat, and we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that
today we had 15 homicides and 63 violent crimes as if that's the way it's
supposed to be. We know things are bad. Worse than bad. They're crazy.
It's like everything everywhere is going crazy so we don't go out anymore.
We sit in a house as slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller
and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms.
Let me have my toaster, and TV, and my steel belted radials and I won't
say anything." Well I'm not going to leave you alone. I want you to get
mad. I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want
you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you
to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation
and the Russians and the crying in the streets. All I know is first you've
got to get mad. You've got to say, "I'm a human being. God Dammit, my life
has value." So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out
of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open
it, and stick your head out, and yell, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not
going to take this anymore!" I want you to get up right now. Get up. Go to
your windows, open your windows, and stick your head out, and yell, "I'm
as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" Things have got to
change my friends. You've got to get mad. You've got to say, "I'm as mad
as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" Then we'll figure out
what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But
first get up out of your chairs, open your window, stick your head out and
yell, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!

Or Apolcalypse Now

KURTZ: I've seen the horror. Horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that, but you have no right to judge me . It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and mortal terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies t o be feared. They are truly enemies.
I remember when I was with Special Forces--it seems a thousand centuries ago--we went into a camp to inoculate it. The children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for polio, and this old man came running after us, and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went there, and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile--a pile of little arms. And I remember...I...I...I cried, I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out, I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it, I never want to forget. And then I realized--like I was shot...like I was shot with a diamond...a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, "My God, the genius of that, the genius, the will to do that." Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they could stand that--these were not monsters, these were men, trained cadres, these men who fought with their hearts, who have families, who have children, who are filled wi th love--that they had this strength, the strength to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men, then our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral and at the same time were able to utilize their primordial i nstincts to kill without feeling, without passion, without judgment--without judgment. Because it's judgment that defeats us.
I worry that my son might not understand what I've tried to be, and if I were to be killed, Willard, I would want someone to go to my home and tell my son everything. Everything I did, everything you saw, because there's nothing that I detest more than t he stench of lies. And if you understand me, Willard, you...you will do this for me.

It may be short but one of my favourite is Peter Lorre in Beat the Devil

"Time, time, what is time? The Swiss manufacture it. The French hoard it. The Italians squander it. The Americans say it is money. Hindus say it does not exist. You know what I say? I say time is a crook."

Oh and still getting short again but can't get away from Rutger Hauer in Bladerunner

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the darkness at Tannhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."

 

[Eirik Tyrihjel]

I absolutely love the Network one, one of my favourite bands The Levellers used it as an intro to their song Warning.

 

[Leo Ticheli]

George C Scott; the Hospital 1971.

So many others; so many great writers and actors; hard to chose, but George Scott nailed it every time the stage was his.

Good shooting and best regards,

Leo

 

[Tim Hole]

I absolutely love the Network one, one of my favourite bands The Levellers used it as an intro to their song Warning.

Ha! I know (or rather knew) the Levellers really well. My friends dad owned a small brewery and one of the ales was called The Leveller we sent them a free barrel and it took off from there. Had many a party with them in Brighton back in the early nineties.

 

[Jason Murphy]

Both great ones, Tim. For some reason I never got around to watching Caddyshack, so I guess I'll have to do that at some point.

Not sure if I'd put it down as THE greatest monologue ever, but Jason Robards' final confession to Phil, his hospice nurse in 'Magnolia' has stuck with me ever since I saw it; it's really fantastic, incredibly moving and a great near-final performance from Robards as well.

"Earl: Phil. Phil. Hey, come here. Come here. Uh... Phil. I'm... I'm gonna try... talk. I'm gonna try to say something-something. Do you know Lily, Phil? Do you know her? Lily?

Phil: No, I don't.

Earl: She's my love, my life, love of it. In school...I'm twelve years old in school, in sixth grade. I saw her. I didn't go to that school, but...but we met. My friend knew her. I said..."What's that girl? How's that Lily?" "Oh, she's bad. She sleeps with guys." Yeah, he said this, but then sometimes...I went to another school, you see. But then... when high school at an end, what's that? What is that when it gets to the end?

Phil: Graduation.

Earl: No, no, the grade. What grade are you in?

Phil: That's 12th.

Earl: Ah, yeah, yeah. So I went to her school for that grade. Grade -- that's grade twelve. And we meet. She was... fucking like a doll. A beautiful porcelain doll. And the hips. The child-bearing hips, you know that?

Phil: I know.

Earl:So beautiful. And I cheated on her over and over and over again. Because I wanted to be a man. And I didn't want her to be a woman. A smart, free person who was something. My fucking mind then. So stupid, that fucking mind! Stupid! Jesus Christ! What would I think? Did I think for what I'd done? She was my wife for twenty-three years...and I went behind her over and over. Fucking asshole that I am. I'd go out and I'd fuck... and I'd come home and get in her bed...and say, "I love you." This is Jack's mother. His mother, Lily. These two... that I had...and I lost. This is the regret that you make. This is the...regret that you make and the something you take and the blah blah blah...something, something. Gimme a cigarette.

Mistakes like this...you don't make. Sometimes...you make some and okay. Not okay, sometimes, you make other ones. Know that you should do better. I loved Lily. I cheated on her. She was my wife for twenty-three years. And I have a son. And she has cancer. And I'm not there and he's forced to take care of her. He's 14 years old. To...to take care of his mother and...and watch her die on him. A little kid, and I'm not there. And she does die. I loved her so. And she knew what I did. She knew all the fucking stupid things I'd done. But the love...was stronger than anything you can think of. The goddamn regret. The goddamn regret! And I'll die. Now I'll die, and I'll tell you what...the biggest regret of my life. I let my love go. What did I do? I'm 65 years old. And I'm ashamed. Million years ago. The fucking regret and guilt, these things...don't ever let anyone ever say to you... you shouldn't regret anything. Don't do that! Don't. You regret what you fucking want. Use that. Use that. Use that regret for anything, anyway you want. You can use it, okay? Oh God. This is a long way to go with no punch. A little moral...story, I say. Love. Love. Love. This fucking life...oh oh....it's so fucking hard. So long. Life ain't short. It's long. It's long goddammit. God damn. What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? Phil, Phil, help me. Please. What did I do?"

 

[David Rasberry]

Johnny Depp in Donnie Brasco:

FBI Technician (Tim Blake Nelson): What's "forget about it?"
Donnie Brasco: "Forget about it" is like if you agree with someone, you know, like "Raquel Welsh is one great piece of ass forget about it." But then, if you disagree, like "A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it!" you know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like Minchia, those peppers, "forget about it." But it's also like saying "Go to hell!" too. Like, you know, like "Hey Paulie, you got a one inch pecker?" and Paulie says "Forget about it!" Sometimes it just means forget about it.

 

[Tim Hole]

@jason: Its just damn good writing and delivered faultlessly. Nice!

@Leo: Talking of George C. Scott Dr Strangelove is absolutely littered with amazing dialogue and monologues. I love Sterling Hayden in that so much. He was an amazing actor. Good tough guy in films like Asphalt Jungle or The Killing or Johnny Guitar. My favourite though is in A long goodbye. He was blinding in that. - Sorry went off on one there.

@Keith: The way he delivers that scene is so amazingly effortless. So funny.

On a lighter note:

Dead men don't wear Plaid:

Rigby Reardon: All dames are alike: they reach down your throat and they can grab your heart, pull it out and they throw it on the floor, step on it with their high heels, spit on it, shove it in the oven and cook the shit out of it. Then they slice it into little pieces, slam it on a hunk of toast, and serve it to you and then expect you to say, "Thanks, honey, it was delicious."

 

[George Tsai]

my friend sent me this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6wRkzCW5qI.
some of it is great, some funny, some in my opinion fails

 

[Tom Lowe]

This is one of them.

 

[Tim Hole]

This is one of them.

Without a doubt. Good call.

 

[Roberto Lequeux]

Not sure how a single best could be picked, but this one came to mind.

From Good Will Hunting
Written by Matt Damon & Ben Affleck

WILL
Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at the N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people that I never met and that I never had no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. They're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's walking to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the schrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorroids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure, fuck it, while I'm at it, why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

 

[scott william]

great question.

1) taxi driver "you talkin to me scene"
2) Elmer Gantry 'any of Burt Lancaster's preaching from that movie'
3) Robert Duvall's preaching in the The Apostle
4) Al pacino in any given sunday 'inches speech'
5) Billy Bob in Sling blade 'confession scene'
6) Paul Giamatti in The hawk is dying 'buzzards speech'
7) Van Damme in JCVD 'the answer comes before the question' speech

that's all i got for now

 

[Andrew Wilding]

George C Scott; the Hospital 1971.

So many others; so many great writers and actors; hard to chose, but George Scott nailed it every time the stage was his.

Good shooting and best regards,

Leo

Seconded. One of the greatest performances I've ever seen, and such a sharp screenplay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mey1dXTLdeE

 

[Frank Weeks]

Network is an obvious one...in fact it probably is the single greatest monologue in motion picture history.

I agree. Another great monologue from that movie is when Beale is taken to meet with CCA chairman Arthur Jensen (Ned Beatty). I have greatly admired Beatty's talent since.
Great movie. Nominated for 5 acting Oscars. Winner of three.

Ps Robert Shaw's monologue about the USS Indianapolis is the stuff of legend. He first tried filming drunk on his ass. Didn't work. His sober attempt is classic.

 

[Michael McVicar]

This is one of them.

.............sometimes the shark would away. Sometimes he wouldn't go away............................. Anyway, we delivered the bomb. I've rewatched this countless times. It still gets to me.

 

[David Quinn Carder]

Christopher Walken as Captain Koons in Pulp Fiction

 

[Brad Webb]

Coffee is for Closers.

Coffee is for Closers.

Hands down the best monologue of all time is Alec Baldwin scene from Glengarry Glen Ross.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AXTx4PcKI

 

[Frank Glencairn]

Well there are so many...

Network is an obvious one...in fact it probably is the single greatest monologue in motion picture history.

Yes Tim, I second that - it´s not getting any better.
What I find really stunning, it was written in 1974 not 2010

Frank

 

[Mitch Gross]

This is one of them.

John Milius tells the story that Speilberg called him in a panic because the original scene didn't work -- there wasn't a clear reason why Shaw's character hated sharks so much. So Milius thought about it and said he'd call him back. He wrote the speech about the Indianapolis in 20 minutes and dictated it to Speilberg over the phone.

At least that's the way Milius tells it, but he has rather the flair for the dramatic.

I vote for Network for the best monologue, and yes, the Ned Beatty scene is terrific as well. Some of the smartest dialog ever penned is in that screenplay. Every character is smart and has a particular point of view, and when they speak what they say is absolutely true, yet the characters are diametrically opposed. A pleasure to watch repeatedly, and it's only at the final, bitter end that you realize it's all an absurdist farce -- a true black comedy.

More great Paddy Chayevsky dialog is in "Marty." And people mentioned George C. Scott in a few roles but nothing about the opening of "Patton"?

It can be difficult to define a monologue in cinema, as often they are more speeches or asides delivered to another character. How about Everette Sloan's speech in "Citizen Kane" about catching the glimpse of the girl on the boat? And Orsen Welles "Cuckcoo Clock" speech in "The Third Man"? There are dozens of great ones out there.