Stupid crew jokes

[Rob Ruffo]

http://www.theblackandblue.com/2011/01/22/10-camera-department-crew-jokes/

 

[Tim Hole]

Hehe! Gave me a chuckle whilst rendering, thanks!

How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

How many DP’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. No, two. No… How many do we have on the truck?

 

[Chris Parker]

some good ones in there.

 

[Mark Collins]

Hehe! Gave me a chuckle whilst rendering, thanks!

How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

How many DP’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. No, two. No… How many do we have on the truck?

Hey Man, we grips don't get paid to use brain power....

 

[Scott Crawley]

nice

 

[Mickey Conway]

Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A. He thought Barry sounded too American.

 

[Fredrik Callinggard]

How many DP's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.... No! Two!...No wait! How many do we have on the truck!

 

[Andy Jarosz]

Why does lighting come before thunder?

Because even God waits for sound.

 

[Chris Ratledge]

While I understand it not to be jokes, but still a humorous read, I've wanted to pick up this book for a while and just never have:

Strike the Baby and Kill the Blonde: An Insider's Guide to Film Slang

 

[Erik Bien]

A couple more for ya ...

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: one to change it, and four to stand around discussing how they would've changed it better.

How many production designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Does it have to be a lightbulb?

How many union sparks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six, and it's a four hour call. You got a problem with that?!?

How many choreographers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five, six, seven, eight!

How many directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
I dunno; what do you think?

 

[Dylan Macleod CSC]

my favourite...

my favourite...

Q. What is the first thing a DP's wife does after sex?
A. Pick up her husband up from the airport.

 

[Frank Glencairn]

That´s mean.

 

[Craig Ryan]

Here's one of my own creations:

What do you say to a grumpy gaffer?

"Lighten up".

 

[Shawn Booth]

Why was the dolly invented? To teach grips how to walk upright...

How can you tell a teamster's kid from all the other kids on a playground? His kid is the one standing in the back watching all the other kids play...

How do you know when a teamster is dead? The donut falls from their hand...

What's the heaviest thing a PA carries? Production... (or art department)

 

[Shawn Booth]

Deserted Island. A producer, a director and a writer. They stumble upon a genie lamp on the beach and get 3 wishes.

Writer - I wish I was back at the Beverly Hills Hotel pool deck surrounded by naked women. Poof. He's gone.

Director - That's a really good idea. Me too. Poof. He's gone.

The producer paces up and down the beach for hours. He then turns to the genie and yells, I want those two back here right now!

 

[CJ Roy]

Why do sound guys need SAG cards? Because they're always in the f*cking shot.

=)

 

[Steve Wake]

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. But how did they get in there?

 

[Liam Hall]

How many surrealist film directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
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Fish.

 

[noah newtown]

How long does it take do invent an EPIC?
..not long....really

what does it take to invent an Alexa?
...a redone

 

[noah newtown]

whats the biggest mediacompany...?

get a EMI artist (apple)
compose a track on a macBook(apple)
with logic (apple)

lighing with 3 ipads (apple)
shoot on iphone (apple)
sync TimecodeSlate App(apple) and playback ipad (apple)
cut in finalcut (apple)
on a mac (apple)
color in color (apple)
release in itunes (apple)

consumer...buy the track in itunes(apple) and hear it on a ipod(apple)