"Just Another Quiet Morning" Short Film

[Brennan Robideaux]

This is a short film that I made a little while back. It was not made on anything RED but rather a Canon 60D. I am; however, a new owner of a BT R1MX so I am very excited to get shooting.

Please tell me what you think and watch in full screen. Thanks!

https://vimeo.com/51745895

 

[Brennan Robideaux]

bump

 

[Brennan Robideaux]

Bump - would love some feedback. Stick it out until the end! - watch in fullscreen

 

[Tolin]

40 seconds with nothing but titles, and the first three shots looked like crap and I never bothered watching any further.
When someone posts their video in the Cinematography section and ask for feedback I would expect that person to at least have made some kind of effort to light.
This forum lies under the "Shooting RED" category as well, and discussions regarding other cameras are referred to DvxUser.com.

[EDIT]
Uh, It's the alarm sound in the beginning.. Snaps me right back into the 5 AM pre-coffee state, sorry.

 

[Brennan Robideaux]

Thanks for the feedback. It would've been nice to hear your actual reaction if you had watched the whole thing as I don't understand how you could possibly come up with a full opinion after giving up so early. If you would have given it a chance, you would have found out that I did not put sounds at the beginning with just a black screen on accident.

I only posted it in this forum because I had seen someone else do the same and got some great feedback. My apologies if I offended anyone.

 

[Noel R.]

I understand the concept you were going for, but it didn't work out. None of the shots seemed motivated, none of the movements seemed motivated, the story didn't draw me in if there was one. The location, and lighting, color grading, none of that was interesting. Your framing was off, and the cut off head at the beginning seemed odd. The alarm clock at the beginning is very cliche. Even though having no sound was part of your concept, there was no feeling to the visuals, so it was actually hard to watch. My only constructive feedback is to toss the whole thing and start over. Sorry, I wish there was a nicer way of saying it.

 

[Peter Dmitriyev]

didn't quite understand the story or lack thereof. The "film" consisted of a guy just waking up and riding his bike into the street, then it ends. Maybe I missed something?

 

[Brennan Robideaux]

I understand the concept you were going for, but it didn't work out. None of the shots seemed motivated, none of the movements seemed motivated, the story didn't draw me in if there was one. The location, and lighting, color grading, none of that was interesting. Your framing was off, and the cut off head at the beginning seemed odd. The alarm clock at the beginning is very cliche. Even though having no sound was part of your concept, there was no feeling to the visuals, so it was actually hard to watch. My only constructive feedback is to toss the whole thing and start over. Sorry, I wish there was a nicer way of saying it.

I definitely need to work on lighting. Still learning! I wanted the piece to be uncomfortable to watch as well as have some shots off frame because I wanted to give the sense of what it would be like to live in his shoes.

Peter: Thanks for watching - I don't want to give away the story to anyone else that watches but.... Check out the sign in the end.

 

[Milan S.]

Cut the credits out and add a close up of the sign as the last shot.

Have fun with the R1.

 

[Zach Gray]

The film creates a contex that we 'get' immediately. It narrates the progress of the 'point of view' character through his environment. So in a way, there is narrative progress.

The problem is that there isn't any drama. There is no hook for the audience.

Take 'The Artist' for example. It has a similar gimmick at the end. The difference is that from the start, the character has an objective, a dramatic need, a purpose that we relate to and root for. We are emotionally invested for many other reasons *before* the gimmick.

If you want this film to move beyond an obscure art exercise and into the realm of entertainment, make the movie work without the gimmick *first*, then that will just be bonus. Establish your character - someone like us, with a high stakes goal, and a high stakes need to change.

The shooting was perfunctory, but the editing was self indulgent. See how much you can cut and still have it make sense. You'll be surprised. You can still get that 'quiet morning' feel.

Cut the film down to 30 seconds total, and repost.