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  • Hey all, just changed over the backend after 15 years I figured time to give it a bit of an update, its probably gonna be a bit weird for most of you and i am sure there is a few bugs to work out but it should kinda work the same as before... hopefully :)

Film Set Jokes

Evin Grant said:
So... two grips are standing at the gates to heaven and are about to be ushered in by ol' St. Pete when a gruff guy with light meters on his belt busts past them into heaven.

Grip 1: Man even here! all my life I've been cut in front of by DPs in the lunch line.

Grip 2: Tell me about it, hey St. Peter, who is that DP anyway?

St. Peter: Oh, that's not a DP that's god, he just thinks he's a DP!
Click to expand...

:tongue: :tongue: :tongue:

One of the best so far!

Sound guys jokes are really funny too! :)
 
what's the difference between a documentary director and a large pepperoni pizza?

a large pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four
 
Martin Weiss said:
I know jokes are not funny once explained, but I simply do not get this one. Any enlightenment? :sorcerer:
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Would it make more sense if she were a blonde actress and not necessarily Polish?

...It's a sub-genre of American pop culture -- "Pollack Jokes". Not really funny these days.
 
TOP TEN LIES PRODUCERS/DIRECTORS TELL THEIR EDITORS
#10.) "It's pretty simple. Should only take an hour."
#9.) "We'll be done by (fill in the blank)."
#8.) "We'll order lunch from someplace nice today."
#7.) "Feel free to be creative with this."
#6.) "I only need a couple of dubs."
#5.) "The client loved it! There are only a few changes...."
#4.) "I'm sure I have that shot on another tape!"
#3.) "My other Editor didn't have any problems with this effect..."
#2.) "Could you preview it just ONE more time?"
. . . and . . .
#1.) "Tell your wife we're almost done."

TOP TEN LIES EDITORS TELL THEIR PRODUCERS/DIRECTORS
#10.) "It's just a preview shift."
#9.) "It's out of safety. You'll never see it on the air."
#8.) "It works better as a cut."
#7.) "I'll fill out the paperwork tomorrow."
#6.) "Why, no....I don't mind working this weekend."
#5.) "Oh, don't go by THAT monitor!"
#4.) "It's on your source tape."
#3.) "This won't take long."
#2.) "No, honest....it really does work better as a cut!"
. . . and the winner is ! . . .
#1.) "Honey, we're almost done....I'll be home soon!"
 
Q: How many directors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last light bulb was much better.
 
What does a DP's wife do after making love?


She picks her husband up at the airport.
 
Q. How many RED fanboys does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. One to change the bulb, 137 to post:

"Great Change!"
"Congratulations on a job well done."
"They said you'd drop the bulb, or it's a scam, the bulb isn't really faulty!"
"You're the Man!"
"We're no longer being kept in the dark!"
"Thank you for changing the bulb. It's people like you who give us hope for a brighter future"
"I just can't believe what you've achieved in rectifying this problem!"
"Darkness is history!"
"The light-haters will be losing their lunches about now!"

etc etc :tongue:

Actually my all-time favorite lightbulb joke is:

Q. How many Jewish grandmothers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. None. "Don't you worry about me, I'll just sit here in the dark. You just go out and enjoy yourselves, I can feel my way out of here."
 
bjonsson said:
What does a DP's wife do after making love?


She picks her husband up at the airport.
Click to expand...

You just had to make me doubt one of my career ideas, didn't you :blink:
 
bump

Come on, there must be more out there... this is outstanding stuff! My wife laughed really hard, at my expense.
 
How many AD's does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 1st AD to ask for the change, 1 2nd AD to change it and 6 PA's to shout, "Turning!"
 
Aaaarhg...... yer' all boning me.
 
Paulee said:
bump

Come on, there must be more out there... this is outstanding stuff! My wife laughed really hard, at my expense.
Click to expand...

My husband is a grip/electrician, I always have a laugh at his expense. But he enjoys the jokes. Especially the one as to why the dolly was invented.
:clown2:
 
Movie making in heaven joke:

Movie making in heaven joke:

As I remember it:

A supremely talented multi-Academy award winning DP dies and goes to heaven. When he arrives at the gates, he is warmly greeted by St. Peter:

St. Peter:
"Welcome! It's great to meet you. I've been following your work during your career, and I'm a fan."

DP:
"It's really great to be here. At one point I was having my doubts where I would end up, but..."

St. Peter:
"Oh, don't worry about that... You may not know this, but we make movies here too".

DP:
"Really?"

St. Peter:
"Oh yes, in fact we're working on one now. Perhaps you'd like to talk to God about shooting it"

DP:
"Tell me more..."

St. Peter:
"Oh, it's going to be wonderful. God's directing... of course. Shakespeare has written a great script. Michaelangelo is doing the sets. Beethoven and Mozart are working on the music."

DP:
"That sounds really good! I'm just thinking about all the great actors that are here. Who's going to play the lead?"

St. Peter:
"Well.... God's got this girlfriend..."
 
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