Editing advice on this vid

[Joe Cage]

Hello,

You guys have helped me tons in the past, and I am working on a new passion project. But I often get in a rut, and need some time off to let the images sink. Now throw in a newborn baby and things really have slowed down.

I am creating a cut here. And I was wondering if you guys could have a look at it. And tell me what parts still need a lot of work, what shots I need to cut etc. (There is no sound, music or grading at this point). Any help/tips would really help out at this point and will really speed up the process over here.

https://vimeo.com/248065341
Password: fuel

For example I often have similar shots. Which I seem unable to choose from, so I threw them both in. Like this one. https://vimeo.com/248067525 password: fuel So maybe it works with them next to each other, but maybe it doesnt. But not sure which of em to keep.

Thanks mucho love!

 

[Chris Henze]

I'd like to help, but there isn't enough here for me to understand what's going on.

 

[Joe Cage]

Well its a motivational video. If you could only point out some bad looking shots that would already be a huge help. Or voting on the second link, which shot to keep, or to keep them both.

There will be a voice over recorded over this eventually. I wrote this VO before shooting. (But I might want to change it to match better with the shots)

Everyone is looking for the magic pill to success,
The one key ingredient,
The one single key to success…
There isn’t one key.
There are many.
You have the keys, and you have the locks, you just have to do the work.
HARD WORK.
Found in my GRIND, in my HUSTLE.
Believing in myself, when NO ONE ELSE DOES!
My OBSESSION with reaching success. My OBSESSION with reaching my targets.
Sacrificing my TODAY for a better TOMORROW.
Getting out of my COMFORT ZONE and pushing myself past perceived limitations.
Sticking it out when times are tough.
Being tougher than my life is.
Using my PAIN as FUEL to drive me to success!
My GOALS. Goals so big, they scare small minds
My VISION keeps getting bigger every time i conquer my last goal!
Taking responsibility for my life! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! No matter what tests life throws my way!
Doing WHATEVER IT TAKES
The key, is within ME.

 

[Chris Henze]

Okay, thanks for the additional info.

More questions. Who's the audience? What do you want them to think/feel when they watch the piece?

The process I've found most successful and I've won a few awards in the process of utilizing it, is to first identify the issue to address. Which leads to who the audience is (the more specific the better) and lastly what do you want them to think after viewing or from what point do you think they'll start and which point do you wish them to arrive.

This information serves to answer your questions. Only items that accomplish your goals are relevant. That's how to choose shots, color, story, etc. Otherwise you will make something that generically tries to please and won't accomplish anything. I see the signs of a generic piece. The shots, edit, VO are all competent and I'd be hard pressed to provide notes. However, the pathway I observe, because it's generic, isn't compelling. Even if you're showing yourself as a DP, editor or writer. The apparent lack of story consciousness would have me pass on you if you showed me this as an example of your work.

What's interesting to me is the question of, if you're ready to take your VO's own advice Dig in, find a point of view, push that over the limit and then dial it back a bit. That's where to start and no guarantee that you'll wind up with useful piece, only just a chance.

 

[Ash Worth]

First, know how to present a rough cut and why, otherwise the feedback will be misleading.
If its an abstract, inner monologue piece then you need the inner monologue and a hint of how it will sound.
As is it's a collection of looks that don't really make much sense. The motivation appears as "this looks cool" as opposed to serving the story... this happens a lot with RED users, the shots are beautiful but they are souless.

It's obvious you can shoot, there is some really nice stuff here but it's not enough.

 

[Joe Cage]

Thanks guys, this is some GOOD advice! Something I will take with me for future projects. And yeah my first goal was to shoot some good shots with my new camera as a test, but at the same time make a project. I ended not shooting about 20% of the images which probably would make the story a lot deeper, but I learned lots of looking back at this project. I threw in a couple of symbolic shots, like the fire, water, light tunnel to hint feelings, backstory and pathway. But the shots that I am missing is a transformation of the character from the beginning to the ending, and I am not sure how to accomplish that without shooting some extra shots with the boxer. If I could figure out shooting some shots that are meaningfull that dont require the talent that would be a real turnaround. Or heck even a extra day with the talent would be possible again. But I should need to figure out a grander story and what shots I could take.

Maybe poverty shots. He doesnt have a job, circeling job ads in the newspaper, empty fridge, and ending up showing some vintage footage of a boxer winning a big fight in a Arena.