"slums 13:city Of No Mercy" Martial Arts Action Short

[ChrisLyon]

slums 13 Has Nothing To Do With B 13.

The names are similar and they are similar in nature. I'd change the name so people don't confuse (or laugh at) your film with thoughts of B13.

Also, I'm sitting 1/3 the way through the promotional short and I'm still staring at text. I cant wait to see some footage... :bleh:

Also, typing in bold doesnt mean anything. It comes off as extremely rude.

[Corey Culp]

I'm a little by myself, R.L. Who was the short made for again? You kill nearly a third of your time with text that seems to be more exhibition than of any meaning to the viewer. The sequence really goes nowhere, none of which was helped by the 1:07 of text. ( I assume that was the point of spending that much time "asking" the audience to read.)

The editing seemed as though you didn't really have enough coverage to mix it up a bit with your shots.

I'm glad you've got your deal in place, as I don't think this would open too many doors. I hope you get some really good corrective criticism from the posters in hopes of shaping what you have planned for the feature.

Maybe it's the expectation you set up, but I was pretty disappointed.

[ChrisLyon]

Criticisms on the story, not you as a person:

I agree with unfiltered. I'm not sure what Miramax sees in this feature based on this short alone. The text is especially revealing on one aspect- that we have seen this story before, maybe not in B13, but certainly in other sources.

"And with that power, came greed"? "They began to fight amongst themselves"? The text isn't even grammatically correct. It seems like something that you are using to sell your idea would (at the very least) be worthy of a grammar check.

No one cares about the production companies to make this promotional short. Maybe they care, but not enough to sit through all these company splashes that no one has ever heard of before.

The logo is also pretty trite. Graffiti? Are we to believe these men in suits are gangsters?

Nothing against you, mate. It just seems like this production is based on effects, cameras and karate and not on story. If I wanted to see cool karate moves I'd go to my local championships for free and get hours of entertainment. The question I would ask myself if I were you is: "What would make someone pick this up at Blockbuster?" As of right now- taking in consideration the artwork and preview- the answer is "nothing."

[Álex Montoya]

I don't really see the need to be that harsh.

[Corey Culp]

I don't really see the need to be that harsh.

I don't think either my post or Chris' post of particularly harsh. We weren't attacking the guy, personally or otherwise. It seems we both feel that it is lacking. The footage plays like a demo reel for a stuntman/martial artist/choreographer, and not a narrative piece , which is what R.L. is selling.

I'm giving he man all kinds of credit here. Putting aside the amount of time that passed since he announced his project (27 days), he has built up a little bit of hype in this forum. In this, he has set himself up for criticism, positive or negative. While I don't think my comments were harsh, they were honest and constructive. I pointed out why it didn't reach me, without alternative advice. That's his job as a filmmaker to take his criticism and adapt it if he sees fit. Maybe he will. Maybe he won't.

I don't wish any ill towards R.L. or his project. I just think it does him a disservice to sugarcoat things. I'm sure he'd appreciate my input even if he doesn't agree with it.

[Karl H]

In all fairness I think this little short is a 'demo' piece only. I dont think it's meant to get into the feature films narrative. He isnt selling the story, it sounds like he's already done that. At least I hope, as this does look more like a showreel piece.

Perhaps they were asked to prove they could pull off the action sequences and nothing more. If Miramax were happy with the script then maybe they wanted to see how it would look technically.

Anyhow, on that level I thought this was quite good and I dont see much wrong with it. As you say, with tweeks to the CC it should flow well. (there was a shadow of a flag waving on the floor which kept getting my attention, but maybe thats just me). I thought it was professionally done overall. I would have prefered a higher res version :-), but thanks for posting R.L.Scott, and good luck with the feature film.

[Corey Culp]

In all fairness I think this little short is a 'demo' piece only. I dont think it's meant to get into the feature films narrative. He isnt selling the story, it sounds like he's already done that. At least I hope, as this does look more like a showreel piece.

Perhaps they were asked to prove they could pull off the action sequences and nothing more. If Miramax were happy with the script then maybe they wanted to see how it would look technically.

Anyhow, on that level I thought this was quite good and I dont see much wrong with it. As you say, with tweeks to the CC it should flow well. (there was a shadow of a flag waving on the floor which kept getting my attention, but maybe thats just me). I thought it was professionally done overall. I would have prefered a higher res version :-), but thanks for posting R.L.Scott, and good luck with the feature film.

THIS IS A PROMOTIONAL ACTION SHORT WE SHOT EXCLUSIVELY ON RED FOR OUR UPCOMING FEATURE FILM "SLUMS 13: CITY OF NO MERCY" BEING DISTRIBUTED BY MIRAMAX FILMS.

That sounds to me like it a short that is based on the feature film itself, and not a demo piece or showreel.

R.L. mentions the CC that needs to be done and that it's an "unfinished roughtcut." I have to assume that what he posted is where his short is at editorially. If so, my feeling still remains.

With the way he has presented this project from the first day, I figured this was a narrative short based on his feature that he has Mirmax fitting the bill for.

This entire thread reminds me of a writer friend of mine. He always talked about this script he was working on. Telling me about this scene. Then a week later, tells me of another scene. This lasted for months until I asked him "how's the script?" He hadn't gotten passed page 10. So I told him "get on it! You talked about this script so much, I want to read it."

Two months later, he finished his first draft and gave it to me to read. While I liked some of it, and it was just a first draft, he had given away key things in the story. Things that would've had more of an impact on me had he just finished the script and had me read it, without ever giving away these bits. These were key moments in story that wouldn't have been written out, regardless of the rewrite count. It became anti-climactic after knowing about these pivotal moments.



That's what I'm getting at with this post. If he just wanted to show off some footage (as this forum was created for), then just show some footage that's been in the can for over three weeks. But don't promise the short for nearly a month, then throw up an incomplete piece. It doesn't look good on him.

[Karl H]

Hi Unfiltered,

My gut still says he shot a 'scene' from the film. It's just a fight scene and an incomplete one at that. He says it's a 'promotional action short', so I take that to read its a short showing how the action will be handled. Probably best for Scott to tell us this.

I am just glad to see some footage, there are an increasing number of threads in this forum now that dont contain any footage at all, so I was glad he put up the goods :-)

[Tonaci Tran]

Looking forward to checking this out. The connection here at the ramada sucks so its telling me 2 hours for download. argh. looks like I'll have to download it later.

[R.L. Scott]

I'm a little by myself, R.L. Who was the short made for again? You kill nearly a third of your time with text that seems to be more exhibition than of any meaning to the viewer. The sequence really goes nowhere, none of which was helped by the 1:07 of text. ( I assume that was the point of spending that much time "asking" the audience to read.)

The editing seemed as though you didn't really have enough coverage to mix it up a bit with your shots.

I'm glad you've got your deal in place, as I don't think this would open too many doors. I hope you get some really good corrective criticism from the posters in hopes of shaping what you have planned for the feature.

Maybe it's the expectation you set up, but I was pretty disappointed.

it was actually made for the producers... not really a short for the masses... it's a promo.