Stupid crew jokes

[Dylan Macleod, CSC]

Q. What is the first thing a DP's wife does after sex?
A. Pick up her husband up from the airport.

[Frank Glencairn]

That´s mean.

[Craig Ryan]

Here's one of my own creations:

What do you say to a grumpy gaffer?

"Lighten up".

[Shawn Booth]

Why was the dolly invented? To teach grips how to walk upright...

How can you tell a teamster's kid from all the other kids on a playground? His kid is the one standing in the back watching all the other kids play...

How do you know when a teamster is dead? The donut falls from their hand...

What's the heaviest thing a PA carries? Production... (or art department)

[Shawn Booth]

Deserted Island. A producer, a director and a writer. They stumble upon a genie lamp on the beach and get 3 wishes.

Writer - I wish I was back at the Beverly Hills Hotel pool deck surrounded by naked women. Poof. He's gone.

Director - That's a really good idea. Me too. Poof. He's gone.

The producer paces up and down the beach for hours. He then turns to the genie and yells, I want those two back here right now!

[CJ Roy]

Why do sound guys need SAG cards? Because they're always in the f*cking shot.

=)

[Steve Wake]

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. But how did they get in there?

[Liam Hall]

How many surrealist film directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
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Fish.

[noah newtown]

How long does it take do invent an EPIC?
..not long....really

what does it take to invent an Alexa?
...a redone

[noah newtown]

whats the biggest mediacompany...?

get a EMI artist (apple)
compose a track on a macBook(apple)
with logic (apple)

lighing with 3 ipads (apple)
shoot on iphone (apple)
sync TimecodeSlate App(apple) and playback ipad (apple)
cut in finalcut (apple)
on a mac (apple)
color in color (apple)
release in itunes (apple)

consumer...buy the track in itunes(apple) and hear it on a ipod(apple)