(1st posted by Dave Edgar at DVXuser and posted here with his permission. Why? Because I thought is was frickin funny.)
If anyone is offended by this, I'm sorry, but not sorry enough that it will bother me if you slam me so I wouldn't bother : )
I call this "My new profession"
Well, after years as a sound mixer/filmmaker, I have decided to make a change. I am going to become a race car driver. The problem is I need a little help. The only car I have is a 1979 Ford Maverick, but I’m sure if I buy a few really cheap accessories I can make it run like a formula one. Do any of you guys know where I can get a motor like a real race car has for less than $100? I am sure B and H has them somewhere but I can’t find them on their website. I am also going to get a RedLettusRock25 brand spoiler, I am assured that this will make my car look and run like a new one. My cousin knew a guy that did this and he is rich now.
I am going to race in all the biggest races, so if you help me now you are getting in on the ground floor. I will remember you when I am standing in that winner’s circle. You and old what’s-his-name (?) that gave me the free tires. Anyway, as I said I am going to race in all the biggest races and I am going to need some crew. I am going to find some mechanics who can’t afford mechanic school yet but who REALLY want to work on a real race car, and I am going to let them fix up my car. After that first race I will be able to give them more than a cool T-shirt I designed with my name on it and cold pizza. Better yet, maybe I can find some new mechanic-school graduates who can’t get a job yet and want to hone their craft a bit. At least they will probably have their own tools I can borrow.
Someone told me I might need insurance for this, but I didn’t budget for that so we’ll get it on the next one.
Do you guys know if the $1.99 fuel boost additive works just as well as the $6 bottle?
So that’s my plan, can any of you guys out there who’ve done this give me any pointers? I can’t afford school right now and I don’t have time to read the 5 million posts on the race car driver board and 800,000 pages of advice already out there on the internet, so can all you veteran race car drivers just please tell me how and help me or something? I’m really committed to this and I’m really good at it, all my friends say so.
So get on board soon and answer my questions, I am in a hurry because I heard that there is a big race in Indianapolis coming up soon and want to enter it. Did I mention I was going to all the biggest races?
I also need some red paint, I hear that all the best race cars are red now, and I want a red one, too.
Also, does anybody know when the DMV is open?
I have to get that little book that will help me study for my driver’s license.